moon light chaser

I'm still reading Critical Thinking ebooks sometimes. But still I don't have enough confidence in myself that I can think critically. Today I bought an earring and a cup for my girlfriend. I found myself I can go along pretty well with her friend. One thing is about to persuade her.Persuade her to sign the marriage registry so that it will ease when we apply the PR. There are not too much things we can do in X-mas or X-mas eve here in Yangon. There are X-mas lights light up in some of the shopping center. Not as beautiful as Orchard. I lived in Singapore for 7 years and now I'm missing Singapore. Nothing can help. Now my dream is to marry my girl, apply a PR for her. We will live together in Singapore. After finishing my degree, my salary will be increase. Today my girl told me that she wants to apply for diploma in Parkway Institute. I was happy when I heard that even though I cannot afford to pay the school fee. If she won't get PR and only have to stay with depended pass, she will be very bored in home. So she might need to work or she might want to study. A lot of things.

Actually my girlfriend,she's pitiful. She will go to Singapore because of me.She is a doctor in Myanmar. A teacher with the regular income. She have to abandon all these things and have to come to place where I study and work, Singapore. I have no words to describe how much I love her. I have a lot of dreams for her. Dreams are sometimes not so good, you have to be disappointed if that's not happened. So this time I tell myself to make them happened. I have no way back. She will have to come to Singapore in April and have to apply PR.

Tonight I kissed her cheek in the street. A car driver who saw us shout "Do it in home!". It was so funny and we both laugh. She was shy.

Tomorrow I will have to go to Kyite Kaw (the village in southern part of Myanmar). Nobody will celebrate X-mas there. But even in Yangon, I don't know a place to celebrate X-mas and new year. The Inya lake will not be opened till 12:00 in new year too. There is no fireworks for new year in here as well. Quite sad. But one good thing is that I can go to Shwe Dagon Pagoda with my girl.

Today I feel happy. I have a great conversation with my girlfriend. At first we talked about the plans. Later we discussed about her friends, relatives and so on. I want to know more about her, about her friends , everything about her. I feel like we became closer by having a conversation like this. I love her more and more. The remaining part is to sign the registry of marriage in Myanmar. To save the hussel, I want to sign ROM in Myanmar. So that we can apply PR later easily. We went out to Inya lake. When we get there it was already dark. The breeze blow across the lake is really refreshing and we talk about so many things. There are a few mosquitos here and there, but sitting on the bank of the lake and holding her nicely complete me.

The doctor reduce the nightly dose of medicine,Resperidol from 3 mg to 1 mg. So I feel active in the day. Now I'm thinking about applying PR for my girlfriend, soon to be my spouse. The documents required to file with the application are the same with the documents required to file with depended pass. So I want to give it a try. We have to wait for 3 months for the application to process. 3 months is such a long wait. I'm not so sure about my girlfriend. She hates waiting. For me, it's ok. I even have more time to prepare. The only thing I afraid of is the rejection of application from the immigration. If that's happened there is no other choice. Wait for 1 year to complete my studies ? I don't know. But I'm hoping for the best, she will get a PR pass like me and can work in Singapore. How good is that. But for now I'm feeling anxious. I don't know how to convince her to bear with that 3 months and how to cope with the anxiety if the application is not successful. Anything can be happened, if the application for PR is not successful, can we still get the depended pass. This is the question I need to know.

So the plan is she will come to Singapore with a visit pass for 1 month, we will sign ROM and will apply the PR for her. Then she will go back to Myanmar and wait for the application to be processed. Once the application is successful, she will come back to Singapore and stay with me for the rest of our lives. This is the vision. May force be with me.

Living in Myanmar is good for nothing for me. People say I'm not so active here, slow and lazy. I remember the point not to criticize myself too harsh. But sometimes I received harsh criticism from my mother regarding about laziness. I'm bored. Bored to death sometimes. Another one thing is about me and my girlfriend's plans. She plans to come to Singapore in April with vacation leave. Then she will apply the long term visit pass and will stay with me. I don't know how to ask all these money, room deposit and school fees from my family. In addition to that now my girlfriend is asking me to make a wedding back in Myanmar if the application for the pass is successful. Or otherwise her side of family will not like the situation that we created. The problem is my family won't want to spend this amount of money on me. Just the traveling expenses is quite high.May be I'm thinking too much. I must break down the problems into a smaller size to see them as the small problems. I might need to revisit problem solving skills books to seek the solution.

Now a lot of things happened to me again. My girlfriend's mom wants me to fix the date to marry her daughter. I have to attend to university again in Singapore. My girlfriend has a passport problem. So she have to wait for her passport. I don't know exactly when will I get graduated too. So I cannot fix the date to marry her as well. She told me to marry her in Yangon instead of Singapore. Sometimes there are things I can do and sometimes there are things out of reach. Something like what my girlfriend said "If the worst thing happened, I have to come back to Yangon after I graduate and work here in Yangon". I know it's not possible, but for the sake of being boyfriend and girlfriend I said "ok,I'll do it". I cannot take my time and relax here in Yangon since things are not giving me a chance to relax. Rather than they are pushing me to go further. But I won't break down again I know because I don't see them as stress or whatsoever. But anyway , I can feel the force inside me stronger and stronger day by day to survive and learn when I am in Yangon. Even though I don't need to work for a time being, I have to think and act for most of the time to live accordingly with people. My mom is a little bit panic these days. As she see me as a kid, she scold me sometimes. Sometimes she have things want me to do seriously and all that. Especially about the religious things. I used to a little bit impatient with religious customs. I believe in Buddha but I'm not that patient enough with the praying and religious customs. She think I'm not taking religion seriously. I know I won't be able to explain these things from my point of view. She accused me for not taking everything seriously. So I have to listen to this same old thing again and bear with it for a while.

I'm planning to take the MCSE course and to take the exam. My girl friend doesn't believe me anymore. That's what she said. Does she see me as a selfish person ? I don't know. Anyway I will do what I should do. I will take MCSE exam while I am in Myanmar and will go back to Singapore to further my studying. Only after I finished my studying I will think about marrying her. That's the only way to make a stable family. For now on I have to teach Java Programming to my younger brother. There is one saying If you want to learn something,read. If you want to understand something, write. If you want to master something, teach. Now I will teach.

Today I have to choose between my girlfriend decision and my own decision. I plan to go back to Singapore before the next year end and want to finish my studying. My girlfriend wants me to stay in Myanmar, if we go to Singapore, she wants to go together with me. My current decision is to go a board by myself first and try to finish the studying(that will take about 6 to 7 months) and marry her. Currently I'm finding a job that will pay me around 50,000 kyats in Myanmar which is not enough even to feed myself properly. The argument is how to support the family with this amount of money or myself. So what she said was that it's good to know about it earlier since she can break up with me. So this is probably the end of the road with my girl. Anyway, it's good since I can finish my studying and will have a chance to work with enough salary to feed myself or can even support my family if I don't have a chance to marry a girl in the future.

Today I got a call from my dad. Asking me how much money can I make in Myanmar with the job currently I'm applying. I said 50,000 or 60,000 , he said . The situation looks like I try to start from A,B,C instead of making a progress. He told me that I can take my time working here in Myanmar for awhile but I always have to assert myself that I'm getting enough money to feed my own family. He really sounds like he wants me to study in aboard again after two or three months spending time here in Myanmar. He said take the chances and carry on with the studying while he can pay for the school fee. Or otherwise I have to work for very low amount of money while staying in Myanmar. What trouble me in here is my girl. She wants me to stay with her together, by her side.
I've been telling her that I will take her to anywhere I go. Singapore or where ever I'm. Now I'm afraid that those things will backfire against to me. My dad wants us to wait for like 1 or 2 years to settle and marry. I go to Singapore first, finished studying and marry her. Some sort of that way. But I know for sure is that she won't be able to accept that idea.

I'm torn. I'm torn between what should I choose to be. Should I apply the management jobs or should I applied the technical job here. What I believed is the the job scope is always changing. Even if I apply for the technical job, if I work there for long, my job scope will change and the nature of my job will be change too. I feel like I'm not ready for management job yet even though I know management techniques. Anyway, later I will go and deliver my resume to the companies since there is no sending of email for job application here in Yangon. My sister will drive me around the town to deliver those. Such a tedious but convincing job. Because I will have a chance to see the companies' location for the first time when I deliver the resume. Not nice but nice. Yesterday I tried to apply for the pre-school teacher position but later I found out that the position is only available for female applicants only. That's one thing about Myanmar, in here most jobs are available only to female.

I'm torn. I'm torn between my parent's work and my own job. If I do my own job , I have no time to look into the rubber plantation. I will not have a chance to study the management things. But I should not give myself such excuses, I want to learn as much as possible. I want to learn from my own job and management from my mom and my sister. Such a long way. I feel excited and lively again.