moon light chaser

Today my mom talked about her expectations and some bad things about me to my aunt in the kitchen. Things about how I cannot put an end to the things I do. Some of the things like I could not pay my sponsored kid (I sponsored a kid through world vision the last time with my salary), I could not put and end to my studying (I'm a university dropout for two times including this time) and so on and so fourth. I'm not sure how long did she keep those things in her heart. Because when she was talking with my aunt, she was talking wholeheartedly.

Of course, I felt uncomfortable at the time when I hearing all this because in the back of my mind, I felt guilty for the things I cannot put ends to. I do blame on my disease on that matters. My mom thought that those are my habits that I have a habit of not putting the things to the end. I found myself I have no words to explain to her. Should I just said "Mom,it is just because of the schizophrenia, I cannot work properly the last time and I couldn't put the things to end" ? But one thing is that, my mom is one of the people that likely to think that I put blame on schizophrenia and making excuses.

So I kept quite and didn't pick a fight or argue with my mom for this matter. What's the point anyway ? Life is short. I don't want to pick a fight with my mom now and then in this short time span of life. I have to be grateful for having a mom who care about me this much and think about me all the time.